There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
