is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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