Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i out mim tonsoeep
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