why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
