Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize