I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
