It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pants are for mortals
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Success! We fucked roommates!
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