At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
