dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They are going to name an STD after you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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