At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Randomize
