I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish my penis had a tongue
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
