when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
