New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
