I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
