So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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