sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize