I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
