you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
