there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
