happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
