thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
