this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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