I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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