So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
