so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
