your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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