i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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