remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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