I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
