"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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