Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
