Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea