Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.