So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
