I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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