Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
