Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
