I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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