I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
