8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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