There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
