one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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