I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
