Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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