Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
