Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
