he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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