college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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