the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
