hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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