Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize