Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
