is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
