She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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