if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
