he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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