I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
