The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
