a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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