dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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