i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
