be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
