I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
