So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I look better un-naked...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
