It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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