her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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