he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
