who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
