sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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