It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
