So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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