my phone needs a breathalizer
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
