i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
