So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
