I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
