He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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